今日は私の誕生日ですね

生んでくれてありがとう

私はお父さんとお母さんの娘であることを、とっても幸せに感じています

葛藤や、反感はたくさんありました

でも、お母さんとお父さんが生んでくれて、お母さんとお父さんの信念で育ててくれたから、今の私がいます

私は自分を愛しています　感謝しています

自分を愛する事ができたのも、私が生きてきた中で、関わってきた人たちがいたから
あなた達がいてこそ、私がいます

お母さんとお父さん、妹、そして親友達、心友達、そばにいて、一緒に戦う仲間たち

愛してるよ

ありがとう

mama, papa, bffs, those who fight and struggle for life with me, people who support me in many ways, people that inspire me, people that i respect

i love you, and thank you

 

 

時間の流れって怖い
あたふたしているうちにまた一年が経とうとしている

ふと思いついて、昔の日記を読み返してみた
正直ひと昔の素直な自分に関心している


人はなんで大きくなればなるほど、素直になりにくくなるんだろう
無意味に見栄をはったり、素顔を隠そうとしたりしたがるんだろう

無意識だけど、私は私じゃなくて、誰か他の人になろうとしていたのかな？

世界に私は一人しかいないのに、なんで他の誰かになろうとするんだろう？

…強くなろうとするほど、もどかしさが増すのを感じる
…強くなろうと無理をするほど、隙間だらけの自分が見えてくる…

一人じゃないと願うほど、一人である自分に気づいてくる…

昨日ポジティブだった自分が、どんどんマイナスになってゆく

きっと、変わっていく事が怖いんじゃなくて、変わらない事が怖いんだろうな

成長してないんじゃないかとか
他の人に前を越されてるとか

自分は最初から完璧だなんて、思い込んでたのかな

自分が誰かなんて、一生探しても見つからないとは思う
だから私は自分探しなんかしない
自ら自分を作り出さなきゃいんだから

って思い込んでたから、自身を見つめる事を忘れたんだろうな

学ぶ事はきっといっぱいあるんだよね
つまり、まだ未熟、これからもっともっと成長しなきゃ


愛する仲間へ

no matter wut

Time goes by so fast

Soon will be March

then quarter of another year will be gone

we are individuals, independent, alone

but we always have to hold on to sumthing

u can do it, if u think u can do it

u can lose it, if u think u will lose it

it is simple

Fight yourself is fighting thru ur life

Do not conclude reality with one or two words

cuz u ain't gonn learn nothing

I am always with u 

even tho we are on the other end of earth

cheer for the day we will meet again

久しぶりにJAGUAR　WRIGHTを聞いた♪
彼女はやっぱりすばらしいソウルシンガーです

 I woke up vexed...I was in shock. 
I had a dream, um, that dream in your sleep....actually I should call it a nightmare. 

Basically I was running around in Vancouver, ON THE DAY of the fashion show looking for clothes. 
I had some clothes with me...don't know which brand but brookes brothers type of clothes. I somehow called my co-worker at my internship for help like..

"What do you think I should do? Do you think I should just go in and ask?" 

My co-worker was advising me for a second and totally went off-topic. So I finish the phonecall, and called my partner...unanswered. I was in front of Lanvin.

I got my guts together and rushed into the store. 

"Hi, I am actually a student from Blanche Macdonald (which, I am not lol), and I am actually having a small fashion show today...%#*(P$*(FK#F20iut874&^"

I didn't even get to the point of saying that I needed some clothes - it was getting dark outside and they were closing - the manager read the my mind, went and completely analyzed my situation.

"You know...we would help you but..let's see what you already have there..you probably couldn't get blah blah blah but you probably got..$^&@*(N$(F#F#@L"

This is the moment I looked at my pieces and went like ("shiiit") because he knew what was exactly going on with me. I was still brainstorming about the theme of the show...gosh. But he saw the potential, or the need to help... or whatever..and gave me

something like...










uh-huh, this is not even from Lanvin in real life lol

and a cute vest - that I would totally design to make it come to life.

I thank them..and keep rushing on the streets of downtown...and the story ends here.

Ok as I was writing this Im forgetting my dream bit by bit...but interesting isn't it? Even though my dream may not be interesting, dream - is interesting. I always feel like making a movie out of it when I get a really good one with a flow in the scenes. 

By the way, this whole dream started with me being in a grocery store, working? uh..

anyway, I guess this just made me feel a lot scared about my fashion show...

It's now or never. I have lived for 20 years 4 months and 21 days - and today is the day.
Moments can get timeless. and time flies. Really. Need to hold it down and not let go sometimes.
Make it more valuable. Today is never tomorrow. Tomorrow is never the day after. 
What happens today is not what happens tomorrow. Things are never the same.

The "world" that human create are just like a puzzle. A very complicated one though. 
It's a whatever. but a puzzle. everyone just fits in their spot, to create a picture. Moments and snapshots.
Motions and life. 

life. 

life - time = what ?

Human has came up with many interesting concepts of "life"  philosophy. theories. hypothesis. rules. whatever. 
I should say they really make our "life" interesting...

you see..."life" is shorter than we think it is. 
well then... let me make my piece something you won't believe to see...

...one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her of how far she has come...

...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own...even if she never wants to and needs to...

...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
 
...a youth she is content to leave behind...
 
...a past juicy enough that she is looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
 
...the realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it...
 
...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
 
...one friend who always makes her laugh......and one who lets her cry...
 
...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
 
...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...
 
...a resume that is not even the slightest bit padded...
 
...a felling of control over her destiny...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

...how to fall in love without losing herself...
 
...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
 
...when to try harder...and when to walk away...
 
...how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend...
 
...how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it...
 
...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
 
...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it is over...
 
...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
 
...how to live alone...even if she doesn't like it...
 
...who she can trust, who she can't and why she shouldn't take it personally...
 
...where to go..be it to her best friend's kitchen table..or a charming inn in the woods..when her soul needs soothing...
 
...what she can and can't accomplish in a day..month..and a year..

i imagine there will be no paper textbook in near future
i imagine there will be no pencil, no erasers, no highlighters

i imagine

i imagine no lecture, no teacher and no school
no paper magazine, no shopping malls, and no bus ride
i imagine no conversation, no meeting face-to-face, no movement

i imagine

i imagine there will be no organic, no hunt, no survival and no physical
i imagine no travelling, no waiting, no negotiating - and arguing through eyes

i imagine

i imagine four numb senses, 
i imagine inside view, no outside view
i imagine no breeze, no rain, no tan and no beach

i imagine 

i imagine no words and unexpressed feelings
i imagine fake voices and manipulating messages

i imagine

i imagine increasing contact lenses, glasses and magnifying glasses
i imagine smaller labtops and more TV Shopping
i imagine late people and lazy people


....i imagine future to be very sad 

i imagine no smell, no touch, no taste and no true sound
i imagine day and night switch

i imagine

i imagine La maison en Petits Cubes for real
i imagine decadence....

i imagine conflict and absolute impossibleness of peace

i imagine....

There are always those songs that you heard somewhere for a million times but you don't know the name of it. They might be used for commercials, background music of some sort or soundtrack..etc.
They could be old, somehow lengendary, catchy, and very simple straight forward songs.
and this is definitely one of them damn dope songs!

stay fly, xo